Epitaphs Found on Real Headstones
a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
|Harry Edsel Smith
of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down.
|In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
|On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in
East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
The Good Die Young.
|In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
|In a Silver City, Nevada cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
a Ribbesford, England cemetery:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
|On a grave from the 1880s
in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there’s only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
|Anna Hopewell’s grave
in Enosburg Falls,Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna –
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
|A lawyer’s epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
|John Penny’s epitaph
in the Wimborne, England cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art
In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep;
And thou wilt find a Penny.
|In a Rhinebeck, NY cemetery:
“Death is a debt to nature due,
Which I have paid, and so must you.”
|In a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
For not rising.
In a cemetery in England:
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
|In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June,
Went out of tune.