Ken & Lea's Place

If an O/S Ran an Airline...

DOS Airline:
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they
jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground
again, then they push again, jump on again and so on.

DOS with QEMM Airline:
The same thing - with more leg room to push.

MAC Airline:
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers,
and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the
same.  Every time you ask questions about details, you are
told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and that
everything will be done for you without you having to know,
so just shut up.

OS/2 Airline:
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten
different times by standing in ten different lines.  Then
you fill out a form showing where you want to sit and
whether the plane should look and feel like an ocean liner,
a passenger train, or a bus.  If you succeed in getting on
board the plane and the plane succeeds in getting off the
ground, you have a wonderful trip...
except for the times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in
position, in which case you have time to say your prayers
and get in crash position.

Windows Airline:
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly
stewards and stewardesses, easy access to the plane, and a
completely uneventful takeoff...then, once in the air, the
plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Airline:
Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in
unison, and forms the outline of an airplane.  Then they all
sit down and make a whooshing sound like they're flying.

Unix Airline:
Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they
come to the airport.  They all go out on the runway and put
the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about
what kind of plane they're building.

Mach Airline:
There is no airplane.  The passengers gather and shout for
an airplane, then wait and wait and wait and wait.  A bunch
of people come, each carrying one piece of the plane with
them.  These people all go out on the runway and put the
plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what
kind of plane they're building.   The plane finally takes
off, leaving the passengers on the ground waiting and
waiting and waiting and waiting.  After the plane lands, the
pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to
inform them they have arrived.

Newton Airline:
After buying your tickets 18 months in advance, you finally
get to board the plane.  Upon boarding the plane, you are
asked for your name.  After 4-6 times, the crew member
recognizes your name and you are then allowed to take your
seat.  As you are getting ready to take your eat, the
steward announces that you will have to repeat the boarding
process because they are out of room and need to recount to
make sure they can take more passengers.

---

Dan Brown brown@eff.org  Sysadmin for The Electronic Frontier Foundation.

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